Introducting Deathy Dialogues: Conversations on Aliveness

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Dear Friends,

I’ve been easing into my day with a new morning routine for a couple-few of months now.

After brushing my teeth but before my morning coffee, I go to our guestroom, unroll my late friend’s bright pink yoga mat, and set my meditation timer to 15 minutes.

During that quarter-hour of gentle movement, I focus on two mantras. First, a loving-kindness or metta that I always start by directing to myself before expanding out to include others, sometimes all the way to the whole of existence:

I allow myself to be imperfect.
I allow myself to make mistakes.
I allow myself to be a learner, still learning life’s lessons.
I forgive myself.
If I cannot forgive myself now, may I be able to forgive myself someday.

For the final five minutes, I go to The Five Remembrances:

I am of the nature to age. I cannot escape aging.
I am of the nature to ail. I cannot escape illness.
I am of the nature to die. I cannot escape death.
Everyone I love and everything I hold dear is of the nature to change. I cannot escape being separated from them.
I inherit the results of my actions of mind, body, and speech. My actions are my continuation.

After the two gongs signaling the end of practice fade, I bow my head to thank my body, to thank my friend whose mat holds my practice, and to thank all the teachers around the world and throughout time who have passed these teachings forward.

I am so very grateful.

Is it strange to start my day with a reflection on my inevitable demise?

I suppose lots of folks would think so but I’ve rarely made my decisions by consensus.

Those five reflections, jarring as they were when I started meditating on them a couple of years ago, have softened into a series of gentle and evolving reminders. Lately, the reminders have been things like:

Don’t fight my body or buy the youth-fetishizing hype; my body is aging as it was meant to age.

and

Beware the story that if I am perfect enough in my practices, I will get to avoid illness; only a sudden death before illness can do that.

and

I control so very little in this life; my actions of mind, body and speech are pretty much it. Use them thoughtfully.

I hope you’ll join in me 2026 for a community-based continuation of this practice.

After reading the responses in my recent community survey, every other month felt like the most accessible pace for such contemplation. Let’s try Saturday mornings – 10am Eastern, 7am Pacific – so that we might start our weekends with a contemplation that might feel daunting but is often amazingly liberating.

It’ll go a little something like this:

Saturday, January 10^th:
Preparing together for the conversations ahead

• What makes talking about aging, dying and death so uncomfortable?

• What makes it important to you to have the conversations despite any discomfort?

• What do you need to feel resourced in such conversations?

Saturday, March 14^th:
I am of the nature to age

• What stories do you tell yourself about aging?

• Is there an age you’d go back to? Why or why not?

• What happy surprises have you found in aging?

Saturday, May 9^th:
I am of the nature to ail

• What stories do you tell yourself about sickness and your susceptibility to or ability to control the risks of illness?

• What hopes and fears do you have around being cared for in illness?

• What lived experiences of caregiving inform those hopes and fears?

Saturday, July 11^th:
I am of the nature to die

• What are your fears about dying and death?

• What are your thoughts or beliefs about what happens afterwards?

• How do you think about your legacy? Are what you’d wish for it to be and what it’s now likely to be in alignment?

Saturday, September 12^th:
Everyone I love and everything I hold dear are of the nature to change

• People often find this one the most uncomfortable; is that true for you? Why or why not?

• How might your relationships with other people and the objects that fill your life change if you were to center the inherent impermanence?

Saturday, November 14^th:
I inherit the results of my actions of mind, body and speech

• This is where we bring it all together into intention-setting for your actions moving forward. Do you have legacy to tend to? Relationships to nurture? Fears to address?

Of course, these are just my initial thoughts for these conversations. A true dialogue is shaped by those in attendance, which I hope will include you!

To keep things intimate, and because we Jewish folks love to center the number 18, which represents life in Jewish numerology, I’m capping the conversations to 18 attendees. Please do reserve your spot for one or all of the dialogues now if you’d like to attend, and cancel if something comes up to free up that space for someone else.

Finally, these conversations are gifts from my heart to my community, and I know I like to bring a gift to those who host me. If you’re of like mind, please consider a donation to the Rawz Coaching Scholarship Fund.

I’m always a little stunned when I realize a year is reaching its conclusion; I often have a feeling that I spent all summer waiting for summer only to realize it has become fall. As such, so many of my practices are about slowing down, being in life as it’s happening, and embracing my fleeting aliveness while it lasts.

I’d love to hear about how you be with your one brief and precious life, and hope these community conversations will enhance your sense of the Now, too.

With love and gratitude for all you are,
SB